The Blog of EpicallyLee!

Who The Hell Is Robert Lee
A Biography by the ghost of Robert Lee

Robert Lee was born sometime in the late 20th century. Robert Lee died whenever he ceased breathing. Who was Robert Lee you ask? Hell, I don’t know, he was likely a man with some hair. Perhaps he owned many cars, maybe he owned 6 ferraris, and some odd amount of Lamborghinis… Though more likely he merely owned a rusty moped. In all actuality we may never know what form of transportation Mr. Lee owned, because sadly those records have been censored by the government. More importantly let us get back to the issue of who Mr. Lee was. Some “followers” say he was the greatest economist to ever live, “Hands down better than that Keynes bloke” they would say. Other, oftentimes more educated people, say that’s a ridiculous claim which borders on lunacy. Personally this biographer believes the second group’s claim is, likely,  much closer to the truth.

“What did Robert Lee do to garner so much attention?” You may be asking yourself right now. Honestly, we (‘we’ was used here to represent the mental bonding of biographer, and the corpse of Mr. Lee) are not quite sure. He once raised a big ruckus over introducing Capitalism to Venus, perhaps drawing inspiration from the claims of Hugo Chavez. Hugo Chavez, of course, famously claimed that The United States of America ruined Mars by introducing capitalism to the, as of then, uncontacted planet. On another occasion Mr. Lee claimed that cats had a black market where they traded kibbles for ‘perverse favors with dogs’. This garnered him great wrath, and furious anger from social groups with too much time on their hands; such as PETA and some other organizations no one cares to remember. His argument was that Obama was to blame for increasing government regulations in the “seedy underworld of the cat-dog-sex industry.” Which was of course nonsense, as many people tried to assure him that that industry was among, in fact, the most unregulated industries that had been discovered. It was soon after this, and other similarly pointless events, that other activists groups called for the public shaming of Mr. Lee, for what are clearly now obvious reasons. Mr. Lee was not fond of non-activist policies, nor was he too keen on activist policies. Mr. Lee prefered to take the route of “non-policies” believing that labels as a whole were a potentially harmful and an often detrimental occurrence. While Mr. Lee had these thoughts he never had a chance to enact any of the “non-policies” he was so fond of, for he never really accomplished much of anything.

(Spoilers: this is all real. HAH snuck that spoiler in at the bottom. Deal with it.) 

(I may, or may not, be done.)

Tumblr is full of people dying and peeing, occasionally at the same time, because of .jpgs and .gifs. This seems like a problem. Someone should do something about it. Call an ambulance or something.